When Do You Stop Being A Mom?

There is a baby-boom going on at our church....several of the young women have recently announced their pregnancies, much to the joy of the congregation. It is interesting that as soon as they discover they are pregnant, they limit their caffeine intake, eat less junk, and are careful not to do heavy lifting. They begin the process of caring for their child while he is yet in the womb. Motherhood, and the accompanying "worry-wart" mentality, has BEGUN!

A friend of mine was sharing with me how she was concerned about her elementary-aged son because he was going to travel by bus to San Francisco on a museum field trip with his school. I remember those days well! I imagined the worst-case scenario:
another 7.9 magnitude earthquake would crumble the Bay Bridge just as my kid's school bus was crossing the shark-infested waters! Perhaps my son would get separated from his class and his teacher would not discover that he was missing until 3 hours later...after nightfall! I worried about him misplacing his sack lunch, about him losing his camera, etc, etc. When he did, in fact, return home safe and sound, about the only drama I heard about was a game the 7th grade boys played while in San Francisco: it was called "count the homeless people." Okay, not exactly the most socially-conscious group on the planet, but remember, they're junior high boys. My heart went out to my friend and I could truly empathize.

Fast forward to high school. Both my boys played sports and the first time I attended a football game and saw ambulances at each end of the field, my heart sank. I didn't have brothers, so this football thing was new territory for me.
At the first game, I couldn't even sit still in the bleachers....I paced around the stadium like a nervous cat. Well, with the good Lord's hand on my boys, we got through Pop Warner Football, Little League, Babe Ruth, 4 years of high school baseball, football, and track with NO serious injuries or ER visits. Thank you, Jesus! Oh, I forgot to mention that Ryan also played two years of junior college football, track, and at CalBaptist he played Intramural football, basketball, and soccer. No visits to Kaiser Hospital in the process :) I guess it is true that God only gives you what you can handle!

When our kids went to Southern California for their college studies, my new stressor became: "how on earth are they going to navigate those SoCal freeways?" And, for your information, people in L.A. drive about 20 miles OVER the speed limit. My children learned to drive in Manteca, California with one freeway running through it and relatively light traffic. Letting my little birds fly out of the nest and onto the 91 was a test of faith. Worst thing that happened was that Michelle's car broke down in central L.A.on a rainy night on the freeway while she was alone. I never knew why she was driving around at 10 PM at night near East L.A (the barrio I'm originally from :) Thankfully, Mark took the phone call, and with all the calmness and fortitude of a 911 Operator, he talked her through the problem and a few hours later the car was towed to a garage and she was safely back in her dorm. Never mind it cost $900 to replace a fuel pump...the important thing was my child's safety.

Then came the day when each of my children decided that living in the greatest country in the world was not enough---they needed to venture out into the Third World. My daughter traveled to Cote d Ivoire (Ivory Coast Africa) with a mission team when she was barely 15 years old. She would later become quite the world traveler, visiting South America and Asia as well. My oldest son became a Journeyman missionary for two years in the jungles of Suriname. Lastly, my "baby" served on a mission team in Brazil, and later would travel to China. At some point, you realize that, as a mom, you cannot stay awake all night worrying about your kids, nor can you forego nutrition for two weeks just because your stomach is "in knots." What you have to realize is that you are no longer in control. This is where the God factor comes into play. He is the only one who is powerful enough to orchestrate the circumstances to make sure your child is safe. Prayer is our most powerful tool to combat those feelings of anxiety and worry. There is nothing that will make you fall on your knees more than being a mom. Especially when they are old enough to make their own decisions and to book their own airline flights. When they are infants, there are another whole set of worries, but at least you know where your child is 24-7.

Motherhood at every stage is fertile ground for concern, worry, and anxiety. I once remarked to my husband, "I'll be glad when the kids get married....then they will be someone else's responsibility." But a quick look around at our society will tell you that when your child marries, you just added a new member to YOUR family!

So,when I ask women who are older and wiser than me: "So when do you stop worrying about your kids?" I get a reply from my 73 year old friend, "Oh, you never stop being a mom...in fact, I am going down to my daughter's home to stay with her while she recuperates from back surgery. I'll be gone about a month."

Since it doesn't look like I will stop worrying about my kids until they are safe in the arms of Jesus, I will, in the meantime, add a big stack of notebook paper to my prayer journal....because I haven't even had grandkids yet!