"Tough Guy vs. Pain Baby"

My husband, Mark, has had a really bad cold for the past 9 days. Whenever I've talked to women about the "sick husband syndrome", about 95% complain that their big, tough husband becomes the world's biggest wimp when he's sick. He takes over the couch, the remote, and expects to be nursed back to health with lots of homemade chicken soup, Sprite, and cold medication. He also seeks out the sympathy of the entire family. There is alot of moaning and groaning from the couch...along with the coughing, hacking, and sniffling.

My husband, however, is NOTHING like the man I have described in the above paragraph.
I would totally play into that whole scene if he WERE a "pain baby"...I love nurturing and waiting on my man "hand-and-foot." Chalk it up to my Mexican heritage, but I love spoiling my husband. The problem with my man is that he was raised in a home where toughness and perserverance were supreme. In other words, you don't wimp out when you're sick. You "suck-it-up" and continue on with your work and other responsibilities. Sick days? What the heck is a "sick day"? Oh, and did I mention that my husband HATES to take any type of medication or even vitamins/herbal supplements. In the past, when he has taken any type of medication, he will SWEAR that it causes him to get blurred vision,light-headed, or any number of side effects. So, here I am watching him suffer and I can't even offer him a Sudaphed or Nyquil. The big breakthrough was him taking 1,000 mg. of Vitamin C. I cannot get him to slow down his work schedule, either. He went ahead and led his Deacons & Staff in a weekend leadership retreat in the mountains this past weekend. Then he left at 7:45 AM to start his Sunday....by the time we had 2 Worship Services, Drama Rehearsal and then Community Prayer Rally in the evening, it was 8:45 by the time we got home. "Do you want me to cancel Small Group tonight, Honey?" I asked. "No, I'm not wimping out." I don't feel that bad!


Mark comes by this toughness quite naturally. His parents are well into their 80's and lead very active lives. His mom gave birth to 7 children naturally, and she is proud of the fact that in her entire lifetime she's never taken more than a couple of aspirin. His Dad is a survivor of WWII AND cancer. Mark's early years were spent in a farmhouse on the South Dakota prairie where the snowdrifts would literally block the front door. These people are strong and resilient. No one was coddled...even if you were sick. Get over it...move on...don't complain about anything.

When I was growing up I saw my parents, especially my Dad, pop alot of pills. He had alot of health issues and dealt with chronic pain. I am not sure if that contributed to my low pain tolerance, but I will do everything in my power to PREVENT getting sick because I HATE being ill. Therefore, I will take vitamins and if I even get the slightest sense that I might be coming down with a cold, I will pop megadoses of Vitamin C and echinachea, get to bed early, etc. I am also germaphobic, so I will wash my hands frequently and when out in public will use antibacterial hand cleanser regularly. The first year I taught elementary school I caught every imaginable ailment that a 6 year old child could carry into the classroom. However, after that first year, I built up a resistance and have been extremely healthy every since.

So, my greatest struggle is to sit back and watch my husband suffer and not be proactive in FIGHTING off this cold. I just pray for a quick healing and pray that no one else in the family catches it. I will sign-off now-- I need to go and sanitize some more surfaces...

When Do You Stop Being A Mom?

There is a baby-boom going on at our church....several of the young women have recently announced their pregnancies, much to the joy of the congregation. It is interesting that as soon as they discover they are pregnant, they limit their caffeine intake, eat less junk, and are careful not to do heavy lifting. They begin the process of caring for their child while he is yet in the womb. Motherhood, and the accompanying "worry-wart" mentality, has BEGUN!

A friend of mine was sharing with me how she was concerned about her elementary-aged son because he was going to travel by bus to San Francisco on a museum field trip with his school. I remember those days well! I imagined the worst-case scenario:
another 7.9 magnitude earthquake would crumble the Bay Bridge just as my kid's school bus was crossing the shark-infested waters! Perhaps my son would get separated from his class and his teacher would not discover that he was missing until 3 hours later...after nightfall! I worried about him misplacing his sack lunch, about him losing his camera, etc, etc. When he did, in fact, return home safe and sound, about the only drama I heard about was a game the 7th grade boys played while in San Francisco: it was called "count the homeless people." Okay, not exactly the most socially-conscious group on the planet, but remember, they're junior high boys. My heart went out to my friend and I could truly empathize.

Fast forward to high school. Both my boys played sports and the first time I attended a football game and saw ambulances at each end of the field, my heart sank. I didn't have brothers, so this football thing was new territory for me.
At the first game, I couldn't even sit still in the bleachers....I paced around the stadium like a nervous cat. Well, with the good Lord's hand on my boys, we got through Pop Warner Football, Little League, Babe Ruth, 4 years of high school baseball, football, and track with NO serious injuries or ER visits. Thank you, Jesus! Oh, I forgot to mention that Ryan also played two years of junior college football, track, and at CalBaptist he played Intramural football, basketball, and soccer. No visits to Kaiser Hospital in the process :) I guess it is true that God only gives you what you can handle!

When our kids went to Southern California for their college studies, my new stressor became: "how on earth are they going to navigate those SoCal freeways?" And, for your information, people in L.A. drive about 20 miles OVER the speed limit. My children learned to drive in Manteca, California with one freeway running through it and relatively light traffic. Letting my little birds fly out of the nest and onto the 91 was a test of faith. Worst thing that happened was that Michelle's car broke down in central L.A.on a rainy night on the freeway while she was alone. I never knew why she was driving around at 10 PM at night near East L.A (the barrio I'm originally from :) Thankfully, Mark took the phone call, and with all the calmness and fortitude of a 911 Operator, he talked her through the problem and a few hours later the car was towed to a garage and she was safely back in her dorm. Never mind it cost $900 to replace a fuel pump...the important thing was my child's safety.

Then came the day when each of my children decided that living in the greatest country in the world was not enough---they needed to venture out into the Third World. My daughter traveled to Cote d Ivoire (Ivory Coast Africa) with a mission team when she was barely 15 years old. She would later become quite the world traveler, visiting South America and Asia as well. My oldest son became a Journeyman missionary for two years in the jungles of Suriname. Lastly, my "baby" served on a mission team in Brazil, and later would travel to China. At some point, you realize that, as a mom, you cannot stay awake all night worrying about your kids, nor can you forego nutrition for two weeks just because your stomach is "in knots." What you have to realize is that you are no longer in control. This is where the God factor comes into play. He is the only one who is powerful enough to orchestrate the circumstances to make sure your child is safe. Prayer is our most powerful tool to combat those feelings of anxiety and worry. There is nothing that will make you fall on your knees more than being a mom. Especially when they are old enough to make their own decisions and to book their own airline flights. When they are infants, there are another whole set of worries, but at least you know where your child is 24-7.

Motherhood at every stage is fertile ground for concern, worry, and anxiety. I once remarked to my husband, "I'll be glad when the kids get married....then they will be someone else's responsibility." But a quick look around at our society will tell you that when your child marries, you just added a new member to YOUR family!

So,when I ask women who are older and wiser than me: "So when do you stop worrying about your kids?" I get a reply from my 73 year old friend, "Oh, you never stop being a mom...in fact, I am going down to my daughter's home to stay with her while she recuperates from back surgery. I'll be gone about a month."

Since it doesn't look like I will stop worrying about my kids until they are safe in the arms of Jesus, I will, in the meantime, add a big stack of notebook paper to my prayer journal....because I haven't even had grandkids yet!