Relax, It's Only Valentines Day!

Mark and I met 32 years ago this month, just a few days after Valentines Day. We were aboard a bus enroute to a student Mission Conference in San Francisco. He had just had his heart broken after a girl he thought was "the one" had broken-off the relationship. I had broken-up at New Year's with a boy I met at a Student Conference in New Mexico. I was "done" with men, so I was looking forward to a fun trip to Golden Gate Seminary for the conference. Somehow he ended up sitting next to me and we had a 17-hour bus ride to California from Utah to get acquainted. As they say, "the rest is history." We were engaged a few months later, and after a year-long engagement, were married in my home church in Idaho in 1980.

Through the years, Mark and I have celebrated various holidays with an exchange of cards, gifts, and perhaps a dinner out. We treasure the cards, especially, as we express our love and appreciation to one another through the words we write to each other. We are both very practical people--I would be totally excited about receiving a set of microwave dishes as a gift. I do not crave jewelry or expensive floral arrangements. However, Mark has purchased me some lovely pieces of jewelry for our anniversary and I treasure them dearly. He understands, however, that I am a simple and practical woman. This year, as Valentine's Day approached, I made my trip down to Roseville to shop and made my purchase of a gift for hubby. No expensive cologne or designer clothing...instead I marched into WalMart and purchased an insulated lunch box for my man. He was giddy with excitement when he opened it...his old lunch bag was ready to be "retired." Last weekend Mark asked if there was anything special that I wanted for Valentine's Day. I thought about it a moment and then told him that I really didn't need anything...let's just exchange cards. He made reservations at a lovely Italian restaurant in downtown Nevada City and we enjoyed a delicious meal together and a romantic stroll through the quaint streets of this foothill town. We had our card-and-gift exchange on Sunday afternoon. I was thrilled to receive a lovely card (a deluxe $ 4.99 one!) with a very sweet handwritten message to me that he had penned. He asked me, "Honey, I hope you don't mind that I didn't get you a gift...I hope the dinner out was enough." It was enough, and I realized that when your relationship has matured you can relax and not feel that you have to meet certain expectations. One doesn't have to try to outdo what your friend did for his wife (sent her a dozen red roses to her workplace). When you have celebrated thirty-something years of holidays and special occasions, you realize that "stuff" doesn't matter---what matters is that you get to spend some couple-time together enjoying each other and showing one another how much they mean to you. After all, it's only Valentine's Day....there are 364 other days a year to express to your mate how much you love them---without worrying about how much roses cost or how many calories are in that box of See's chocolates!

Dejavu...I've Been Here Before

This weekend we will move our baby girl (age 23) to a new state, a new home, and a new job. She will be sharing a house with another lady and working for the Associated Press as a Legislative Reporter, which means she will cover all the news related to the Nevada State Capital...which is in Carson City, not Reno or Las Vegas :) This will be a full-time job, but will only last 6 months--the duration of the Legislative session. She is very excited to get into the AP as a full-timer, even though she had a fabulous internship with the AP in LA and got to be in probably one of the busiest and most exciting news bureaus in the business...covering some high-profile stories (ie., Michael Jackson death, Jaycee Duggard kidnapping, etc.) This position will be a challenge but Michelle is very excited about it and she has been covering local government so she is no stranger to this venue.

I feel like I am dropping my little girl off at college once again! I will never forget loading-up the family minivan and attending Orientation at Biola University when she was a freshman. Mark cried all the way home after he waved his final goodbye to Missy as she scurried up the steps to her dorm. I worried about what she might have forgotten to pack...as if she were going to some Third World Country that didn't have Walmart or Target 2 blocks away!

This time as I get ready to help my daughter "launch" I struggle with the dilemma of: "Do I make all the preparations for her move myself, or do I let HER grow up and take care of the details? While I am still sorting through this, I have gone ahead and acted like a typical "Mexi-Mama"...I already discovered there are two Super Walmarts in Carson City, no Chase bank branches, but one sole Chase ATM in the community, and I have the name of a towing service that accepts State Farm Insurance. I have also collected two sets of bed sheets, pillows, a coffee maker, and a storage unit that she can take with her. I am also debating whether or not to send her a large jar of homemade salsa and a large bag of her favorite "On the Border" tortilla chips. Am I making it too easy for her to grow up? Will she really appreciate all that I do for her if she never has to struggle a little bit? I want to pack enough toiletries for her so that she never has to venture inside one of those WalMarts!

Yesterday afternoon, upon returning from my daily walk, I discovered that one of the tires on Michelle's car had a huge nail in it and was getting flatter by the minute. She was working a split-shift and would need the car for an evening meeting she was covering for the newspaper. So, I did what any super-mom would do. I had my fit, young 25 year-old son pump enough air into the tire so we could drive into town to get the flat fixed. All the while my little princess was working at home and letting her "personal assistants" take care of life's little annoyances. I am not saying she doesn't appreciate it...all three of my twentysomething kids verbally express to their parents how much they appreciate all that we do for them. I think that because I have been a stay-at-home mom for most of my parenting years, I have been more ready to "rescue" the kids and do alot of chores FOR them. In contrast, friends of mine who worked full-time jobs had to ask their teenagers and young adults to carry more of a load of responsibility. Of course, all three of my kids have lived away from home and at that point I truly "let go." I don't hover, stalk, fly to SoCal for the weekend....none of that. Once those birdies fly out of the nest, they are "out of sight, out of mind." I only smother when they are under my roof. They have proved that they CAN be responsible when they are "solo." They managed their finances responsibly, graduated with highest honors, excelled in their extracurricular activities, and stayed faithful to the Lord and to church while they were away. Maybe they are appeasing me and making me feel "needed". Not that I am sitting around with nothing to do. I have many meaningful activities that I am involved in, not to mention that I care for my elderly mom. I am blessed to be able to stay at home so that I can support my husband's pastoral ministry and be involved in so many church activities. I enjoy serving my family, so it is not that it is a "burden" to me, I just wonder if I am over the top?

I will bring this to a close so that I can go clean my daughter's bathroom. She left for work and now it is time for the "maid"to come in and clean. Does anyone know where I can get one of those paper strips for the toilet that say: "SANITIZED FOR YOUR PROTECTION?"

Back in the Day

One of the funnest conversations that Mark and I have with our kids is about what life was like when we were teenagers. Last night Ryan remarked how he couldn't even imagine life without cell phones. Watch out---now we are going to talk about how rough we had it "back in the day!" I lived in Idaho for 14 years growing up and things were quite primitive there. Especially after having lived in suburban Los Angeles up to that point. In Idaho, when we got telephone service we had a "party-line"...which meant you shared your phone line with some other people. 16 families to be exact! Our phone would ring, but it wouldn't necessarily be for "us"...each person has a unique ring, and then you would answer it. You could also listen to other people's conversations if you very stealthily lifted up the receiver while your neighbors were having a conversation. This is like gossip on STEROIDS! When I was in junior high, a favorite pasttime would be to eavesdrop on the older teenagers conversations. Sometimes they would suspect someone was listening in and they would yell "Get off the phone!" along with some spicy profanity thrown-in for good measure.

Another downside of archaic telephones of the 60's and 70's was the short cords the phones had. This meant your feet had to stay firmly planted no farther than 6 inches from where the phone was. What a joyous day it was when someone invented those 20-foot cords that allowed you to talk on the phone AND load the dishwasher!
Now your Dad couldn't yell at you for being a lazy slob who yakked on the phone all day! You were multi-tasking!

Mark described to my son what a rotary-dial phone was, and how you would put your fingers in the dial and you would have to patiently wait several seconds for the dial to circle around so you can poke your finger in the hole and dial the next number. It seems prehistoric to even talk about it!

Fast forward to 1988 and we rejoiced with the invention of the cordless telephone. Never mind that the thing was the size of Texas with an antenna that stretched for about 5 miles! This was amazingly free-ing! We could actually lay by the pool (if we HAD a pool) and talk to our friends! We could go out in the front yard and supervise our children riding their Big Wheels while still blabbing with our best friend from high school. We still chuckle when we watch old episodes of Seinfeld and Jerry pulls out his cordless phone that just seems ENORMOUS!

In 1996 our life would change forever. We purchased our first cell phone so that we would have a phone to take on our road trip through the Southwest. In case of car trouble, we were covered. I believe it was a Motorola that weighed about 16 lbs. and the company was Air Touch Cellular. I think the plan included 100 Peak-time minutes. We were one of "the first kids on our block" to get a cell phone, so imagine how popular we were in public places when someone didn't want to find a pay phone to make a call. Of course, we had to be very careful not to go over our "minutes". Because "back in the day" they charged you 45 cents if you went over your normal allotment. Hey, they still charge 45 cents per minute for overages! Some things never change.